Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
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