you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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