God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
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