I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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