the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
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