took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Randomize