If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
