i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
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