First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Randomize