I wanna passion pit in your ass
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Randomize
