If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
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