"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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