he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
