So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
