I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
what the fuck happened to the tacos
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