I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Randomize
