You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
