he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
