They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
