I could have mohawked her pubes.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
being pregnant is like rehab
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
