I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
