Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Randomize
