I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
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