I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I am naked and annoyed.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
