She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
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