wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Randomize
