The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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