my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
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