Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
