Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
