Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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