i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Randomize
