Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
