I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize