just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Randomize
