Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Randomize