that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
