I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Randomize
