brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
