it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
