My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Randomize
