Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Randomize