dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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