respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Randomize