remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
and you said cock pushups were impossible
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Randomize