they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Randomize
