Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
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