I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
