I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
