My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
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