life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
