Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
