We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
