I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Randomize
