so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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