dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
