He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Randomize
