Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
I just found a bag of teeth...
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
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