dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
