I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
