I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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