I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
