Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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