I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
