she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I need water and some morals
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
