So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
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