distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
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